The Attachment Wound — Why We Struggle With Secure Love and What Healing Actually Looks Like
From Healing is F*ing Hard · 00:19:25
Show by Darryn Robinson, MS, LPCC
No one sat us down and taught us what secure love looks like. Most of us didn’t grow up watching it either, so we learned to love the way the people around us loved, which was often the best they could do under conditions that were not designed to produce safety.This episode is about attachment, how the earliest relationships of our lives become the template through which we understand love, safety, and what we can expect from other people. We go into John Bowlby’s attachment theory, Mary Ainsworth’s four attachment styles, and why BIPOC family systems specifically produce attachment wounds that have nothing to do with how much our parents loved us and everything to do with what they were surviving. We also talk about parentification, the over-functioning patterns that develop when children take on caregiving responsibilities that belong to adults, and what earned security actually looks like for people who did not receive secure attachment in childhood.And yes, I get personal. Because I think there is something important in hearing a psychotherapist say that understanding your attachment wounds clinically does not make you immune to them.Find me on Instagram, Threads or Twitter @darrynkrobinson. Interested in working with me? Check out my website at holistichealingtherapy.co
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