5 Dangerous Thoughts Kids Battle (And How Dads Can Help)

From All Pro Dad Podcast · 24:00

Show by All Pro Dad

Help Us, Help Dads. Donate your year-end gift to help us reach more dads like you: https://donate.allprodad.com/podcastMost dads have heard their kids say something negative about themselves, like “I’m stupid” or “No one likes me.” Our first instinct is often to tell them they’re wrong or try to fix the problem. But what if the best response is to slow down and understand the thought behind the words?In this episode of the All Pro Dad Podcast, host Ted Lowe is joined by BJ Foster and Bobby Lewis to talk about the dangerous thoughts kids battle, why those thoughts can stick, and how dads can help their children work through them in healthy ways.Why This MattersThoughts can shape how kids see themselves, influence their choices, and keep them from trying new things or building healthy relationships.Key Takeaways· Kids can turn moments into identities. One mistake or rejection can become a belief about who they are if they repeatedly tell themselves the same negative story.· Negative thoughts can become dangerous when they shape a child's identity.They can undermine self-worth, encourage unhealthy approval-seeking, or keep kids from taking risks and being vulnerable.· Kids are influenced by what they see and hear. Peer relationships, comparison, social media, and the way parents talk about themselves can all shape children's inner dialogue.· You can't argue a child out of a feeling. Before trying to correct a negative thought or offer a solution, help your child feel understood.· Ask questions before giving answers. Helping kids identify their feelings, thoughts, and behaviors gives them a way to work through difficult moments.· Be a safe person to talk to. Kids are more likely to bring difficult thoughts to you when they know you'll listen without shaming, dismissing, or immediately trying to fix them.Practical Tips for Dads1. Recognize the five dangerous thoughts. Pay attention when your child says or seems to believe things like, "No one likes me.”2. Look beneath the words. Negative self-talk isn't always spoken out loud. Watch for signs such as shutting down, quitting quickly, or becoming unusually frustrated. Ask questions rather than assuming you know what's wrong.3. Slow down before trying to fix it. Instead of immediately saying, “That's not true” or “You're fine,” acknowledge what your child is experiencing. Let them know you're willing to sit with them in a difficult moment.4. Use the four Little Big Questions. Help your child work through what's happening by asking:o What are you feeling?o What are you thinking?o What are you doing?o What's your next step?5. Model healthy self-talk. Your kids hear how you talk about yourself. When you make a mistake, show them how to acknowledge it without turning it into a judgment about your worth or abilities.6. Help them challenge comparison. Remind your kids that they don't have to be someone else to have value. Encourage them to recognize their own strengths, interests, and God-given uniqueness.7. Build resilience instead of removing every obstacle. Help your kids take the next step, whether that's trying again, asking for help, or taking a break. The goal is to teach them how to move through hard moments, not avoid them all.Important Episode Timestamps[00:00] How Do I Help My Kid Deal With Dangerous Thoughts?[00:42] Why Telling Your Kid “Don’t Say That” Doesn’t Work[02:10] Five Dangerous Thoughts Kids Believe About Themselves[06:23] Why the Word “Dangerous” Fits These Thoughts[07:51] Catching Dangerous Thoughts Early Instead of After the Meltdown[11:07] How Dangerous Thoughts Turn Into Identity and Hopelessness[14:10] Red Flags That Your Kid Is Changing Who They Are to Be Liked[14:56] Dads Are Watching Too: Why Your Own Self-Talk Matters[17:13] Why You Can’t Argue Your Kid Out of a Dangerous Thought[20:33] This Week’s Pro MoveThis week, when your child says something negative about themselves, resist the urge to immediately correct them. Slow down and ask, “What made you think that?” Listen to the answer and help them figure out a healthy next step.Sponsor:The All Pro Dad Podcast is proudly brought to you by Family First, a nonprofit dedicated to equipping parents with resources to strengthen their families. Learn more at FamilyFirst.net.We would love to hear from you, follow this link to send us a message directly. Include a voice message and you might even be featured in a future episode! Connect with Us:Ted Lowe on LinkedInBobby Lewis on LinkedInBJ Foster on LinkedInSubscribe on Apple PodcastsGet All Pro Dad merch!EXTRAS:Follow us: Instagram | Facebook | X (Twitter)Join 200,000+ other dads by subscribing to the All Pro Dad Play of the Day. Get daily fatherhood ideas, insight, and inspiration straight to your inbox.This episode's blog can also be viewed here on AllProDad.com. Like the All Pro Dad gear and mugs? Get your own in the All Pro Dad store.Get great content for moms at iMOM.com

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