HOLY MOLY — The Pastor Trade Wire
By Holy Hollopenos
Categories: Comedy
Sports-trade coverage played completely straight — except the players are pastors and the teams are churches. Walt Waivers runs the Trade Wire: deals, waiver claims, free agency, trade grades, potluck-related injury reports, From the Pulpit pressers, the Corrections Desk, and Pastor on the Couch with Dr. Lois Brandt. Every pastor, church and congregant is invented. From WIMP 98.6 — the sound of something wrong.
31 episodes indexed on PodSearch.
Recent episodes
- Full Episode 2 — The Wire in Full: The Three-Church Aftershock
Grades for the blockbuster, Okafor's closet, the organ truck arrives, Greg Hale on the fellowship hall as arena, and Dale Hendricks back on the couch with Dr. Brandt — Marv, the door, and thirty years of Sundays. 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO —…
- Full Episode 1 — The Wire in Full: Hendricks Settles In
The whole spool, unclipped: Hendricks' first Sunday as a Lutheran, the coffee depth chart, a new couch session with Jan Albrecht and the empty cry room, and the Corrections Desk. Walt Waivers reads the entire wire. 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO…
- Pastor on the Couch: The Door
PASTOR ON THE COUCH: 'I absolve the door weekly.' — 'You carry a lot of doors, Pastor.' 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- Pastor on the Couch: Rhymes with Dale
PASTOR ON THE COUCH: 'A man in my flock… rhymes with Dale.' — 'And how long has Dale been hypothetical?' 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- Corrections Desk: THE HEADCOUNT
CORRECTION: Bulletin attendance: 212. Actual attendance: 58, and a dog. The usher counted the choir twice and the donuts once each. The dog's figure stands. — THE CORRECTIONS DESK 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- Corrections Desk: The Fish Fry
CORRECTION: Friday's fish fry is at the Lutheran church on Elm — not the Methodist (as printed), not the Baptist (as previously corrected). All three now have fish. — THE CORRECTIONS DESK 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉…
- Corrections Desk: Brother Dale's Surgery
CORRECTION: 'Brother Dale's autopsy social' should read 'Brother Dale's surgery.' There is no social. He is fine and expects to be home Thursday. — THE CORRECTIONS DESK 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- Corrections Desk: Hymns 234 & 432
CORRECTION: Hymn 234 was sung Sunday; the sermon concerned hymn 432. Both hymns have been notified. The organist's decision stands. — THE CORRECTIONS DESK 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- Corrections Desk: The Decimal
CORRECTION: Sunday's bulletin printed the offering as $45,000. It was $450. The decimal point has been reassigned. — THE CORRECTIONS DESK 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- From the Pulpit: The Third Pew
FROM THE PULPIT — Hale: 'The fellowship hall IS part of the arena. …But the third pew knows what it did.' 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- From the Pulpit: Greg and the Loudest Seats
FROM THE PULPIT — Pastor Greg Hale: 'I don't shorten the game plan for the loudest seats.' 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- From the Pulpit: Jan Scouts Her Roster
FROM THE PULPIT — Albrecht scouts her new roster: 'The choir's got depth. The ushers can close.' 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- From the Pulpit: Jan on Attendance
FROM THE PULPIT — Pastor Jan Albrecht: 'Attendance is between them and their contract. I'm not chasing anybody in April.' 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- From the Pulpit: The Plate Knows
FROM THE PULPIT — Hendricks on the plate: 'I'm not gonna comment on the plate. The plate knows.' 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- From the Pulpit: Dale on Marv
FROM THE PULPIT — Pastor Dale Hendricks: 'Marv went down in the third hymn. We're evaluating him week to week.' 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- Extension: Kowalski Signs
EXTENSION: Pastor Dave Kowalski, 4 years + pastor option. Fish-fry clause: every Friday in Lent off. Coffee hour fully funded. 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- No-Trade Clause: Vasquez
NO-TRADE CLAUSE: Pastor Linda Vasquez blocks the Presbyterian deal — the clause requires a working organ. Theirs died in 2019. 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- Injury Report: Pastor Steve
INJURY REPORT: Pastor Steve day-to-day (potluck — ham casserole, origin unknown). Questionable Wed. Casserole committee on notice. 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- Blockbuster: The Three-Church Deal
BLOCKBUSTER (3 churches): Hale + choir TBD to the Lutherans · 2 associates + the '27 fish fry Friday to the Methodists · cash + the folding chairs to the Baptists. 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- Sent Down / Called Up: Albrecht
SENT DOWN: Fr. Mike to Crivitz (sermon length). CALLED UP: Pastor Jan Albrecht (12-min sermons, own projector, softball ace). 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- Deadline Ticker
DEADLINE TICKER: Episcopalians need a tenor · Lutherans shopping a bass (punctuality issues) · Baptists one youth pastor from a dynasty (mom pending). 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- Trade Grades
TRADE GRADES: Catholics A-minus (bilingual pastor for a bingo night) · Pentecostals C (fog machine, prior incidents). 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- Free Agency: Okafor Tests the Market
FREE AGENCY: Pastor Tom Okafor testing the market. Sources: leaning Episcopal (robes). Home church counters with vacation Sundays + the good coffee. 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- Waiver Wire: Delgado Claimed by the Baptists
WAIVER WIRE: Baptists claim Pastor Ruth Ann Delgado from the Presbyterians. Clears Sunday. Pew assigned (pencil). 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
- Trade: Hendricks to the Lutherans
TRADE: Methodists deal Pastor Dale Hendricks to the Lutherans for a youth pastor TBD, two ushers TBD-er, and $40 cash (bake sale envelope). — THE TRADE WIRE 🌶️ Find all the peppers in one place 👉 https://is.gd/holyhollopenos 📻 WIMP RADIO — LISTEN LIVE 👉 https://wimp98.com
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