81. Why Tomorrow is Too Far Away

From Rhythms of Focus · 16:22

Show by Kourosh Dini

This episode focuses on what small steps we might need to take in order to set reasonable expectations of ourselves to follow through on things we have been meaning to accomplish.Instead of leaving ourselves a task list meant to check off, one that we can grow blind to as we continue walking past it trying to avoid eye contact, I invite you to focus on breaking things down into more manageable steps, ones you have agency over. We send an invitation to ourselves and it is our choice to accept it. Over time, this can help build the trust within ourselves to carry us across the finish line.References:S01E75 - Building Trust With a Wandering MindS01E57 - Anchoring and the Option to WorkS01E67 - ADHD, Mindfulness, and AnchoringS01E72 - You Don't Need Another List — You Need a Better PromptS01E34 - Tripwires and "Sticky Decor Decay"S01E24 - The Daily InviteTranscriptI've got this note sitting on the counter. Wrote it last night. "Call the dentist."These simple words written in our own handwriting exactly where we'd see it in the morning, and here we are in the morning, and we see it, and we walk right past it.We knew, even as we wrote it probably, that this would happen.Some part of us was already saying, "Why would this time be any different?" So let's hold on to that question for a moment. It's not a wrong question, but there might be some things we can do to change things.The First ExchangeEverything in our approach rests on this exchange between ourselves through time.This present you leaves a note > Future you then finds it and decides whether to show up.Every guide we build depends on that exchange. Every project map, every reminder, every time we wind down something on a scrap of paper.In the episode on building trust, I described setting something aside as this message in a bottle to our future self.That very first bottle, when there's no history that says anyone on the other side of that shore is going to pick it up, that first one is our hardest.I'd say it's one of the weaker points of the entire approach, or at least the place where I've seen people stall more than anywhere else.The visit is useful, the anchor is useful, and a lot of people are able to enact those. But before those, there's this idea of building a guide, this thing that would help us return to stuff. And that all begins with that first return.A Trust Problem FirstWhere it goes wrong is that we tend to reach for mechanics. We look for an app, we look for paper, we think about what time of day.Maybe a sticky note would work better than the phone. Maybe the phone would work better than the sticky note.Any of these mechanics are fine to consider, but they're secondary.Creating a reliable prompt is a trust problem before it's a mechanical problem.Many of us have been let down by this past self who promised, and a future self who didn't appear. So the first invitation goes out carrying that memory.As we write our task, our note, whatever it is that we intend for our future self, some part of us already expects it to be ignored.We can't argue against that expectation.That expectation rests on emotion, and I've never won an argument with an emotion, and this one has evidence on its side.Trust grows from experience.The work isn't to convince ourselves that this time will be different. The work is to arrange those first exchanges so that they have a better chance of going well.This is the idea of lifting a few pounds before we go to 300 pounds at a bench press. We have to build that muscle.Two Places It FailsThere are two places that this exchange tends to break.They both can be supported in different ways.First, sometimes we never write the note at all. You know, we're in the middle of something, and that part of ourselves that would read the note doesn't feel real enough to stop for.Why are we gonna pause for somebody who's not there? Right? That becomes this trouble of creating.Second, sometimes we write a note just fine, and it shows up, and then we look away.That becomes this trouble of relying on that future self.Now, the first situation, it helps to pin the note to something we already do. Maybe we have a habit of getting coffee, sitting down at the desk, taking the dog out for their walk.Some rhythm already worked in can lend that note some of its strength. It waits where we know we'll already be.There's a caution there. A rhythm lends its strength, and the note can start to sound like a demand on that habit. "Every time I brush my teeth, I must da, da, da, da, da."The idea in writing this note is that we keep it as an invitation, this visit, this idea that we can show up to a thing and decide what to do in that time.Now for the second support. It helps to make that note single-use. This scrap on the pillow, an alert that fires once preferably at the moment we see it.We know its very existence is to be temporary. Every time we leave a note that stands there, it fades, and it fades quickly, becomes part of the decor.A note meant to be…

More episodes of Rhythms of Focus

More episodes

PodSearch is a free, independent podcast search engine. Read about PodSearch, the privacy policy or contact us.